Loki X Reader : Forged Anew - CH 35

    The breakfast room was empty when Thor walked in.  Rather than be pleased that he had his choice of the food laid out, he could only wonder if this would be a repeat of the last time when Loki ambushed him.  Hopefully today he could eat in peace.  Since the disaster in the training yard, he’d not done anything new to inspire his brother’s wrath.  And even that hadn’t earned him more than a half-hearted lecture; Sif had gotten worse than him for scratching up [Y/n]’s arm a bit.  Still, it didn’t pay to get comfortable.
    The sound of animated voices from the hall reached his ears just as he’d finished that thought.  Didn’t sound like trouble, but Thor couldn’t be certain either way.  He grabbed a seat at the table and prayed for the best.  The voices grew louder, definitely sounding like a debate.  Wait…was that Loki and [Y/n]?  I must be hearing things, he told himself.  But when the pair stepped through the archway a second later, he could doubt no longer.
    “Just because you think you could find a spell to recreate it doesn’t mean you should go using it on somebody,” [Y/n] chided his brother, but her tone wasn’t as angry as Thor would expect.  Almost like she was goading him to do just the opposite of her advice.  “How would you know if you could undo it if you did succeed, anyway?  Suppose someone asks where you got the idea- and who told you to look there?”
    “But it would be so perfect.  Especially on someone like…” Loki paused, looked at Thor and smiled.  He did not like the mischief in that smile.  “Brother!  Didn’t expect to see you here at this hour still.”
    [Y/n] was immediately alarmed.  
    “Oh no,” she protested.  “Somebody else.  If you won’t let it go, at least pick someone less likely to bring all of Asgard down in the process.”
    “But…”
    “Somebody else.”
    Now Loki eyed [Y/n] with an incorrigible grin.  His cousin blinked twice, jaw hanging slightly ajar before finding her voice.  Hands on hips, she leveled a fierce glare at him.
    “Somebody else!”
    At first, Thor thought his brother might argue, then Loki shrugged his shoulders in capitulation.
    “Fine.  Someone else.  But it won’t be half as fun.”
    “Trust me, you try that spell on who you were just thinking and it would have been far from fun.”
    The whole time the two of them bantered back and forth, Thor could only sit in his chair, mystified.  When he’d bid his brother good night yesterday, the thought of [Y/n] talking to either of them hadn’t been more than wishful thinking.  What happened during the hours since then?  He certainly welcomed her change of heart, but wasn’t quite sure he trusted it yet.  As he considered that puzzle, [Y/n] seemed to take notice that he’d never replied to Loki’s greeting.
    “We can argue later,” she said to him.  “You’ll lose, but for now, I think we’re being rude to ignore your brother.”
    “The Hel you mean ‘I’ll lose’?  I think not, [Y/n].”
    She shook her head at his affronted tone and walked up to the table.  Instead of choosing a seat at the opposite end, as she had been the past few weeks, [Y/n] sat right across from him.  Loki had no choice if he didn’t want to look a fool standing alone; he sat next to her with an aggravated sigh.  Thor would bet money that when their unfinished debate resumed, his brother would end up the loser as [Y/n] predicted.  Feeling it wiser not to take sides, he chose to change the subject rather than voice that thought aloud.
    “So…um…what’s all this?  I confess I’m feeling a bit confused just now.  Are we all friends again?”
    [Y/n] grew serious, and he almost thought he should have just let her amiable mood go without comment.  Picking apart other people’s motives and intentions was Loki’s specialty, not his.  Thor wasn’t sure why he was digging into it.  Wouldn’t it be curious if this whole thing with [Y/n] and Danethar changed more than just Loki and my cousin?  I’m wondering if it’s changed us all.  But would [Y/n] find his new tendency to pry a good thing or not?  Judging by her expression, he was leaning towards the latter.  Then she leaned on her elbows and smiled wanly at him.
    “If you want to be, cousin.  I,” she hesitated, “may have overreacted before, and made some unfair assumptions.  I’m sorry it’s put us at odds for as long as it did.  I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t of a mind to forgive quite so quickly.”
    “It was my fault, too,” Thor interrupted her.  “I didn’t realize until later how it must have sounded to you until it was too late.  I’ve been kicking myself for it ever since.”
    “Must have been why Sif was able to beat you the other day- you were giving her a helping hand.  Or boot, as it were.”
    The breakfast room rang out with his booming laugh at her good-natured jest.
    “I will have to inform her that she can’t take all the credit for her victories and demand a rematch.  That should get her back for her boasting these past few days.”  Thor skewered a few pieces of bacon for his own plate.  “In any case- I’m more than willing to see the end of the uneasy feelings between us if you are, cousin.”
    “Deal.”  She picked up a blueberry muffin and tore off a piece.  “So what were you doing here so late?  I would have thought you’d be out to the city already.”
    “Slept late by accident.  So I figured I’d catch a quick breakfast here while I could still get one.”  Rapidly turning into a much longer affair than I expected.  “The others can train without me this once, anyway.  You know,” he began thoughtfully, “I bet your arm is good as new.  You could come practice with us.  With the short knives.”
    “You can’t be serious, Brother,” said Loki, right on cue.  
    Which was why Thor had deliberately avoided eye contact with him when he’d made the suggestion.  They’d had words about this more than a few times since the match against Sif.  He was all for the idea of letting [Y/n] come back, but his brother was staunchly against it.  Every time, Loki made some excuse that she still hadn’t healed enough to do anything so dangerous.  Thor knew better than to believe that was the real reason.  Three weeks had gone by- more than enough time for the injuries to have knit properly without depending on magic.  His brother just couldn’t admit what truly bothered him.  From [Y/n]’s reply, at least it sounded like he would have a reprieve before having to face it.
    “Not today, but perhaps another time.”
    “[Y/n]…”
    “What?”  She turned to Loki.  “You think I don’t have what it takes to train with weapons?  Is that why you object?”
    “No, I…”
    “Then why not?”
    Clearly, whatever happened between them last night, Loki still hadn’t come clean about a lot of things.  He definitely hadn’t told her how he felt about her.  Although at this point it’s so obvious I wonder that she hasn’t figured it out for herself.  But as she hadn’t, [Y/n] couldn’t know that his brother was only too aware that she was more than capable of holding her own with a weapon.  Just as she couldn’t know that the thought of seeing her injured- even superficially- was something he wasn’t capable of handling just yet.
    Not an evil reason to want to keep her away from the sparring ring, but Thor felt it was better to let [Y/n] decide what she was ready for.  He saw no reason to think she wasn’t.  She’d been far more proficient with the short knives than he’d expected, actually.  Advancing her skills would only be to her benefit.  Would that she’d used those skills against Danethar before he’d done her any harm, came his thoughts unbidden.  With the element of surprise on her side, she could have made short work of him and could have saved herself from so much pain and suffering.  Should have taught her more before she was sent off to him and maybe none of that would have happened.  
    Before he let that guilt cut at him too deeply, Thor reminded himself that Loki was the man he was now because she’d suffered.  Take that away, and he had no reason to change the trajectory of his life.  Such a terrible choice, and he did not envy his father for having the responsibility of making it all those years ago.  At least I can ensure it won’t happen again by giving her some skills to defend herself.
    “I didn’t think you’d want to be in such close quarters with so many warriors,” his brother mumbled at last.
    Not quite the truth, but not quite a lie, either.  [Y/n] studied him for a few minutes, as if trying to make up her mind which way to accept those words.  At last, she relented.  Somewhat.
    “Won’t know until I get there and find out for myself.  But yeah, I guess you have a point.”
    “Whenever you’re interested in finding out, come on down to the training yard.  We’re there every day- mornings, usually.  But as you saw for yourself, could be there in the afternoons as well.  Or ask Sif if you want some one-on-one with her.  That might be better to start with.”
    “I might.”  [Y/n] crumpled the empty muffin wrapper, selected an orange and peeled it deftly.  “As I said- not today.  Still too much to do in the garden.  When it doesn’t require so much of my attention daily, maybe I’ll have some time free.”
    Loki still didn’t look too happy about the whole idea, but said nothing.  Either [Y/n] didn’t notice his pique, or she just pretended not to.  She finished the orange, then stood.
    “Speaking of gardens- I should get back to mine.”  With a sharp glance at Loki, she added.  “And you- remember what I said or there will be Hel to pay.”
    Once she was gone, Thor felt compelled to ask.
    “What did she say?”
    “Long story.”
    “I could use a long story right now.  For instance, how it is that overnight she’s made a complete reversal on her opinions about us and the gates?”
    “You think I had something to do with it.”
    “I didn’t say that.”
    “But that’s what you suspect, isn’t it?”
    “You can’t deny what it looks like from my point of view, Brother.”
    Loki seemed as though he’d start ranting about the accusation, but held his temper long enough to think rationally.  Even he had to admit that when faced with her recent behavior and his particular talent of…influencing…a person’s thoughts, such a theory was not completely out of line.  Even when it concerned [Y/n].  Thor knew his brother had been close to despairing that he could repair the rift with her, and perhaps the temptation to use a quick fix was too great.  Perhaps not.  Either way, he felt it was his duty to ask the question for [Y/n]’s sake.
    “I know,” Loki agreed with a humorless laugh.  “Changed or not, I’m sure the question will always linger in circumstances like these.  But I swear I had nothing to do with it.  Not in that way.”
    “All right, so if you didn’t- how’d it come about, then?”
    “[Y/n] came to the library last night while I was there researching-”
    “Oh right- Mother mentioned you were there a lot lately.  Researching what?”
    “Do you want to hear about [Y/n] or the contents of old books?”
    “Not the books,” Thor said after a moment’s consideration.
    “That’s what I thought.  So it’s late and I’ve just about had all I can take of reading for the night when she comes in and we start talking.  And before I know it, I said to her what’s been on my mind since the argument.”
    “Which was?”
    “That she hated me,” he answered simply.
    “You said what!?”
    “Surprised?  So was I at the time.  Wasn’t my intention and was nervous as Hel when I realized what I’d said.  I was so sure she’d agree with me.”  He paused as if recalling the encounter.  “But she didn’t.  She said…well, you don’t really need to know the details of what she said-”
    “You’re right; I don’t,” Thor interrupted Loki before he could continue.  “If she’d wanted me to hear, [Y/n] would have waited for a less private setting.”
    “At the breakfast table, for instance.”
    “Well, I suspect her issues with me were far less complicated, so this was as good a time as any.”
    “So I guess you’re calling me complicated by comparison.”
    “Loki, you are the very definition of ‘complicated’ in my opinion.  Especially where [Y/n] is concerned, since I’m fairly certain she’s far from straightforward herself.”  While his brother debated whether or not to take umbrage at his comment, Thor pressed onward.  “So if you were awake so late, I’m rather surprised that either of you were up this early.”
    “Haven’t slept yet.  We spent the whole night talking.”
    “Come again?”
    “[Y/n] and I came straight here from the library.”
    “Gods of the Allfather- talked all night?  So then did you bring up anything about…” he didn’t even get to finish the sentence.
    “No.  I couldn’t.  Should have, I know.  That would have been the opportune moment when she was in a forgiving mood and we were already talking about things we’d done wrong.”
    “So why didn’t you?”
    His brother shrugged again and pushed the food around on his plate with a fork.  At first, Thor was annoyed at his sudden reticence, but as he studied Loki’s lack of enthusiasm, he immediately regretted his impatience.  When he and [Y/n] had come in, his brother had been in such high spirits.  Higher than they’d been in weeks.  Thinking on the difficulties that still lay ahead had already dampened them.
    “Never mind,” Thor said.  “I get it.”
    “Do you?”
    “You’re really that certain she won’t forgive you, and this is the last chance you have to be happy before you tell her the truth.”
    “I am, and yes, I believe it is.”
    “I think you’re selling [Y/n] short.  But it’s not my life, so I can’t tell you what to do.”
    “That’ll be a first,” Loki replied with a wry grin.  He stood up from the table.  “I should get going.  Apparently, Heimdall wishes to see me.  I put him off yesterday, but I suppose I ought to find out what he wants.”
    “I wish you luck, Brother.”

    He wasn’t sure if it was easier to deal with Thor when he was a bumbling idiot or when he showed these random flashes of intelligence.  This morning, Loki might have preferred the former.  He didn’t need to be reminded that he was living on borrowed time with [Y/n].  Very soon, he knew he had to put an end to it and just tell her what had been done to her and why.  All he’d wanted today was to enjoy the precious few days he had until that moment came.  So he’d been all too glad to end that conversation as quickly as possible.
    Although I’m sure I won’t enjoy my conversation with Heimdall any better, he muttered to himself.  No doubt the man would have some new and unpleasant surprise for him.  It was tempting to join [Y/n] in the garden instead, and just pretend like he’d never gotten the message from Sif to visit the Bifrost.  Loki resisted the impulse by telling himself that they needed a break.  If he didn’t give her some time alone, he’d smother her.  So I guess I’ll go fence words with the Watchman for a while.
    Sif was guarding the Bifrost when he got there, and he did his best not to groan aloud when she sided up to him.  What did she want now?  He wanted to talk to the woman even less than her brother, still annoyed about the incident from earlier this week.  He shot her a dark look when he recalled how she’d injured [Y/n]- even if it had been just a scratch.  It could have been so much worse.  Sif must have guessed his thoughts.
    “Oh come on, Loki, surely you can’t still be mad over that thing with [Y/n]?  It was almost a week ago and I’m sure her arm healed up just fine.”    
    “No thanks to you.”
    “I didn’t do it on purpose.”
    “You’re the one who coerced her into the fight in the first place.”
    “And, if you recall, got my butt kicked for my trouble.”
    For a brief moment, he allowed himself to be amused at the memory of how the challenge had ended.  As much as he didn’t want to see [Y/n] hurt, he wouldn’t mind seeing her rout Sif again.  A warrior beaten by a novice fighter.  If he and Thor hadn’t insisted no one speak of that afternoon the whole city would have heard of it by now.
    “Yeah, I remember,” he said with a smirk.  “Served you right.”
    “So why continue to give me Hel over a little scratch?”
    “Because I want to.”
    She wasn’t impressed with his answer, judging by her expression.  Loki had a sudden, uneasy feeling that Sif’s questions weren’t as innocuous as they’d first seemed.  What could the woman be trying to find out?
    “Couldn’t be that maybe you have a personal interest in [Y/n], could it?” she asked slyly.
    Loki stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to face her.  The emphasis on ‘personal’ left no doubts as to her meaning.  He took a step towards the female warrior, and she edged backwards.  Even so, Sif didn’t look like she was going to let him intimidate her into dropping the subject; he tried to, anyway.
    “What did you just say?”
    “You like her- don’t you?”
    As expected, she hadn’t given in, despite the warning tone in his voice.  She stood there, expectantly waiting for him to answer her question.  Is that what Heimdall wanted to tell me?  That my secret’s out and everyone knows how I feel about [Y/n]?  Well, except [Y/n] herself, anyway, he added in afterthought.  In any case, he didn’t like that he’d been cornered.
    “What’s it to you either way?”
    “That’s a yes,” she cried triumphantly.  “I knew it.  My brother owes me for saying I was imagining things all this time.”
    So at least Heimdall hadn’t been the one to give Loki away.  No, apparently he’d done that all on his own.  Loki couldn’t do much about it now, except try to ignore Sif’s attempt to get him to confess.  He turned back to the Bifrost.
    “Speaking of the Watchman, I have an overdue appointment with him, so you’ll have to excuse me if I cut our chat short, Sif.”
    “Not at all.  I wouldn’t dream of keeping you from it.”
    Back to her, he did his best not to cringe as he stepped onto the bridge and entered Heimdall’s guard post.  The man didn’t show any surprise in seeing him.  Was looking rather annoyed, actually, that he’d been kept waiting.  Things had certainly been easier when everyone had feared and hated him.  They didn’t ask impertinent questions or make demands of him; they just tried to stay out of his way.  I wouldn’t go back, though, he realized.  If offered a chance to turn back the clock and be who I was then, I wouldn’t do it.  With that thought in mind, he took a seat and prepared for his next difficult conversation.
    “So, Sif says you wanted to see me,” he announced in a tone more confident than he really felt.  “Well, I’m here.”
    “I did, and so you are.  It took you long enough, Jotun.”
    “I had other things to see to.  What now, Watchman?”
    “Is that an invitation for me to ask the first question, then?”
    “It’s an invitation to tell me why you wanted to see me.  I’m not interested in playing games anymore, Heimdall.”  The truth, oddly enough.  He just wanted to get this over with.  “If you have something to say to me, then say it.  If you have something to ask me, then ask it.”
    Heimdall was taken aback at his directness.  Slowly, he sank into the rough-hewn chair opposite Loki’s.  And for some time, neither of them said anything.
    “All right.  No more games,” Heimdall said at last.  “I need to talk to you about [Y/n].”
    “I assumed as much.  What about her?”
    “The nightmares.”
    Of course, he should have guessed that the Watchman would be aware of them.  The man kept as close an eye on her as if he were [Y/n]’s own father.  Something I’ll want to keep in mind for the future if by some miracle [Y/n] doesn’t hate me.  In the present, it meant he could find out things that might help her.  Not to mention him.
    “I take it that you know about them,” Heimdall added when Loki said nothing.
    “I have ears, don’t I?  How could I not?”
    “Point taken.  Does she talk about them- to you, perhaps?”
    “In a manner of speaking- she told ‘Ilsa’ not long ago.”
    “Your argument with [Y/n] a few weeks back about the gates wouldn’t have anything to do with why ‘Ilsa’ came back, would it?”
    “You said yourself last time we spoke- she wasn’t going to talk to anyone in the palace.  I took a chance that she’d confide in ‘Ilsa’ so I could at least try to help her that way.  And for a while it worked…”
    “Because you still haven’t told her who the woman really is.”
    “Can you just leave that alone?  I already heard this lecture from Thor not a half hour ago and don’t want to get into it again.  But yes, I know, and I’m going to tell her as soon as I can figure out how to do it.”
    He hoped Heimdall would leave it at that.  At first, Loki didn’t think he would be so lucky, but then the man’s curious look faded into a grim frown.  He nodded slowly.
    “Aye, you don’t need to hear what you already know.  Time would be spent better if we got to what I’m less certain you’re aware of.”
    “I agree.  So what news do you have about [Y/n]’s nightmares you think I should know?”
    “I think they’re producing gateways to another realm,” the warrior stated bluntly.  “When she opened the gates at Danethar’s, it caused a disturbance in the atmosphere around her.  I see a very similar thing happen when she’s having the nightmares.  Only I don’t think [Y/n] has control over this portal, and it concerns me.”
    Loki’s face fell.  He’d hoped that [Y/n]’s theory was wrong, but now Heimdall was confirming it.  Which made his failure to discover a cure for the nightmares all that more upsetting.  After days of research, still no closer to finding a spell that would inhibit the dreams without causing more damage to her mind.  He didn’t like feeling that he was letting her down.  Not only that, but now he couldn’t shake another distressing thought, sparking a question he was reluctant to ask.  But Heimdall had the answer he needed now.
    “These portals,” he began carefully.  “Does anyone pass through them?”  Heimdall was puzzled for a moment, not quite catching why Loki would ask such a thing.  He tried again.  “Does [Y/n] leave Asgard- or does anyone come here from the other side?”
    “I haven’t seen anything like that, but it’s hard to tell exactly what is happening.  The gateway is more…nebulous than the ones she creates when she’s awake.  Why?  Is it important?”
    Not the answer Loki was hoping to hear.  While not confirming his worst fears, it didn’t exactly allay them, either.  All the more frustrating, the warrior still hadn’t caught on what it meant if the gateway was used in that way.  So now he’d have to explain it, giving a terrible voice to things he didn’t even want to contemplate in his head.  Loki let a moment pass before he could answer.
    “She’s dreaming of all the things Danethar did to her.  What I’m trying to understand from you is if it’s all in her head…or if it’s real.”  So help the inhabitants of this nightmare realm in the case of the latter.  Meanwhile, Heimdall paled.
    “You mean…”
    “She told me- well, ‘Ilsa’- that she is having trouble waking up from the dreams.  Last night, she stayed awake all night because she’s scared she won’t wake up next time and will be trapped in her nightmares.  I have to know if just her mind is ensnared in this, or if they found a way to hold her body ransom as well.”
    And if they’ve taken what I accidentally gave back to her, which I’d hoped would be mine someday.  Loki tried to push that bitter thought aside.  Until he knew for certain, best to keep hoping that they were dealing only with nightmares.
    “I hadn’t even considered that- are you sure it’s even possible?”
    “I don’t know.  I didn’t have the time with [Y/n] to find out how the gates work- what could and couldn’t be done- before Danethar nearly killed her.  But I can’t pretend that means it can’t work that way.  I need to find out everything I can if I’m going to help her.”
    “You’ve devoted much thought to the problem already, it would seem.”
    “I’ve scoured every ancient text I could find for a way to block her dreams of that place.  So far nothing useful has surfaced.  You think you’re worried, Heimdall?  I’m terrified.”
    “Of what’s lurking in that realm beyond the portal?”
    If only it were that simple.  Loki leaned forward and laced his fingers together.  It distracted him for a few seconds so he didn’t have to reply to the man’s question.  Not for long, though.  He pulled them apart again before sitting back to look Heimdall in the eye.
    “That I snatched [Y/n] away from one miserable existence only to deliver her into another.  And that there truly is nothing I can do about this one.  What good was it to get her away from that bastard if I can’t stop him from torturing her every night in her dreams- which may or may not be just dreams?  That’s almost worse than how I found her a few months ago.”
    “You’re trying.  That counts for something.”
    “Perhaps, but not for much.”
    “Well, I can tell nothing I say is going to change your mind on that,” he muttered irritably.
    “So all the better not to keep at it.”
    “Fine then.  Subject dropped.”
    “Was that it, then?  Am I free to go?”
    “Actually, was wondering about a peculiar incident in the training yard from a few days ago.  I heard [Y/n] was there.”
    Heard, not saw.  Loki picked up on the choice of words immediately and knew exactly who had relayed that story to him.
    “From Sif, naturally.”
    “How’d you know?”
    “I met her on the way in and she had plenty to say about that.”
    “Like what?”  Does he seem nervous, Loki wondered.  “She told me orders were to keep that all under wraps.  Get the feeling you had something to do with that, so I’m surprised she’d have said anything to you.”
    “It would seem she’s noticed my…interest…in [Y/n], and finally couldn’t contain her curiosity.  I thought I was keeping it a better secret than that.  Apparently, not.  It’s only a matter of time before others take notice and start asking, too.”
    “I expect you’re right.”  
    Heimdall sat back in his chair again, the anxious look fading.  Very curious reaction.  Almost as if he’d been worried Sif might have said something else.  Something he didn’t want Loki to find out.
    “You seemed worried a moment ago- is there more you thought Sif was going to say that she ought not to?”
    “I told her to let the whole matter go and stay out of your business, but I guess she wasn’t in the mood to heed my warning.”
    That really didn’t answer the question, and both of them knew it.  Even if he tried again, Loki was certain Heimdall would evade giving him a direct reply.  Teaching Asgard’s watchman to play his game was fast turning against him, it seemed.  And since he could do nothing about it, nor did he have anything else to discuss with the man, it was time he left.  Loki rose from his chair and headed to the doorway.  Heimdall didn’t move, but his eyes followed him the whole way.  Well, there’s one last weapon I have to teach him a bit of a lesson.  With a crooked smile, he spared one last look at the warrior.
    “She should have,” he said mischievously.  “She absolutely should have.”
    Heimdall tried to call him back into the guard post, but Loki kept walking.  Let the man worry himself about what he might do next.  In truth, he didn’t intend to do anything about Sif.  Not just yet.  First he needed a plan and some time to think.  Well, first he needed to see [Y/n].  Then he’d figure out what to do about Heimdall and his sister.

    The garden was seen to- everything done that I’d planned to do for the day.  Once again, no sign of Ilsa at all.  Her absence was as much a loss on her part as it was mine, as I was pretty sure she would have been interested to hear about last night’s turn of events regarding Loki.  Definitely unexpected, as I replayed it in my mind.  When I’d gone to the library instead of my own suite, I hadn’t dreamed I’d run into him.  I certainly hadn’t intended to spend the whole night talking to him once I did see him there.  Far less likely to get myself into trouble if I just walked away and found somewhere else to pass the hours until dawn.  But then he said I hated him, looking at me in that odd way again.  Like he truly believed I did hate him.  I found I couldn’t maintain that lie any longer, hoping that I wouldn’t be sorry in the end for telling the truth.
    So now we were friends again, and I sure hoped I knew what I was doing.  Playing with fire, most likely, so I shouldn’t wonder if one of these days I get burned by it.  In the interest of avoiding that eventuality, I needed to cure myself of any physical attraction to him.  If I was going to be spending time with the God of Mischief, a secret like that wouldn’t stay one for long.  Loki was too smart not to catch wise to it, and how awkward would that be?  Very.  Even worse than when we had been angry with one another, I was willing to bet.
    Trouble was, I didn’t know how to undo whatever I’d done to start noticing him in that way.  Hence why I really could use Ilsa’s help right now.  Perhaps she would have some ideas how to get over something like this.  She may never have taken a lover before, but maybe she’d had a crush on someone.  Or knew friends who did.  Anything to help me deal with my problem would be welcome.  A moot point; Ilsa wasn’t here.  
    I rocked back on my heels and took stock of the garden.  Not bad.  By the end of summer, I might have it all ready.  Then I’d bring Lord Gerrard back and stick his face in my success.  Now what?  The hours of the afternoon stretched long before me, so what did I want to do with them?  I was exhausted.  Not just from the physical work in the garden, but from the lack of sleep.  And yet I felt no desire to return to my suite to rest.  Even if I managed to relax enough to sleep, I knew it would be far from restful.  I didn’t want to read in the library, either.  The summer days were getting shorter again, and soon autumn would bring colder weather.  I should enjoy the good days while they lasted.
    Birgitta had invited me to her home.  I could try my luck there.  But arriving today would be too soon.  They needed time to think about what I’d said yesterday.  And that left me with one option- Micharea.  If I was already on a path to re-establishing connections and making amends, [Y/n] and Liam were next on my list.  Just because the latter made me a little self-conscious, that didn’t mean it was right to neglect them.  With a sigh, I closed my eyes and established the link.
    When I reopened them, the gateway stood before me.  I noticed that the celebration from last time was over.  It seemed now that I knew Micharea was a separate realm, it was starting to behave like one.  Time passed of its own accord without help from me to move it along.  I wondered how many days had gone by for [Y/n] and her pirate crew.  And then she stepped in view of the portal, interrupting my thoughts.
    “[Y/n]- you’ve come back!”
    “Yeah, it’s overdue, I know.”
    She pulled up a chair and sat down so we were at eye level to one another.  Just as well, since if she hadn’t, I’d have either had to stand up or crane my neck to look at her.  At the same time, I couldn’t help feeling some relief that Liam did not appear nearby.  Maybe I could get through this visit without having to deal with that particular issue.  But then I was immediately struck by the worry that something had happened to him.  [Y/n]’s right wrist was wrapped in a white bandage, and she looked rather worn out.
    “What’s happened,” I queried nervously.  “Are you okay?”
    “Huh?”
    “Your wrist.”
    “Oh, that.”  She glanced down at it absently and shrugged.  “We were caught unexpectedly in a gale a few days ago.  I was aloft on the mainmast at the time and got tangled in the rigging.  Liam set the broken bone quick enough once I was brought below decks.  I’m sure it was fine after he finished, but as you can imagine, he insisted I keep it bandaged for a while just to be sure.  Doesn’t trust his own abilities sometimes, but I doubt he’d admit it.”
    “Glad to hear it was nothing too serious,” I replied automatically.  
    In truth, my mind was preoccupied with her offhand comment about Liam.  I’d never thought much about his ability to heal wounds and injuries…by magic.  Just like Loki.  The coincidence was too close for comfort.  I tried to recall how long the pirate had been using healing magic.  Long before I had any reason to pay attention to Loki, I was certain.  Definitely long before I even knew the God of Mischief had studied the art of healing.  What if I’d been wrong and he was Liam’s double?
    Doesn’t mean anything.  Ilsa knows healing magic, too.  So which one was it?  I realized belatedly that my pirate double had asked me a question.
    “I’m sorry- what?”
    “Did you hear news of Ilsa since the last time we saw you?”
    “I did, actually.”
    “Good news?”
    “Yes, it is.  She’s fine.”  Or at least she was fine a few days ago.  I hope that’s still true.  
    “So why was she gone for so long with not even a word?”
    “She thought after the trouble with Danethar that I wouldn’t want to see her anymore, so that’s why she kept away at first.”
    I was about to continue when I heard a door close somewhere beyond my range of sight, followed by boots creaking on the wooden floor.  Getting closer.  Couldn’t be anyone else but Liam, and in a few short seconds I’d have to face what I’d been dreading for a while now.  I held my breath and did my best not to let any apprehension show.  Seemed to work when he pulled up a chair next to [Y/n], flashing me a smile.  Gods, it mirrored Loki’s almost perfectly.  I was sure mine trembled a little when I tried to return it.  
    “So what’s this I hear- Ilsa’s been found?”
    “She has,” I said after clearing my throat a few times.
    “Then where is my fairer half?  I still see you all by yourself in that garden.  Which, by the way, is looking even better than the last one.”
    “Thanks.  Ilsa’s ben helping with that, actually.  Sort of why we haven’t dropped in on you two of late.  Getting this organized has been a demanding task.”
    “Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t try contacting us a few days back.  Did [Y/n] tell you about the storm we blew into?”
    “Yeah,” I replied, all the while trying to picture him as Ilsa rather than Loki.
    Didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped, especially since they both had raven hair and…blue…eyes.  My brain stumbled and shuttered to a halt.  Far better than the alternative- following that observation to its next logical conclusion.  Just a coincidence, nothing more.
    “[Y/n]?  Is something wrong?”
    Yes.
    “Not at all,” I assured them aloud.  Pretty certain Liam didn’t believe me, but I kept going anyway.  “So I hope the ship weathered the gale okay.”
    “We’re moored up in Freeton, doing some minor repairs.  Shame, really, because I was hoping to invite you aboard the next time you turned up.  You did promise to come for an adventure, you know.”
    “I did, didn’t I?”
    We talked for a long while.  I spoke mostly of working in the garden and not at all about the nightmares or my complicated personal life.  In return, [Y/n] and Liam told me of their adventures since the pirate’s cave.  To hear of them as a second hand account instead of having ridden along as a silent passenger was strange.  I missed sailing off with them, but perhaps this was for the best.  Rather than stealing moments out of their lives, I was being invited in as a friend.  Catching up, as normal people did with their friends.  Then suddenly mid-sentence, Liam stopped talking to look over my shoulder.
    “What?” I asked, though I didn’t want to.
    “Did Ilsa forget to mention that she had a twin brother?”
    No, oh no please no.  
    I sincerely wished that she had, but I knew who was standing behind me.  My pulse sped dizzily and my mouth went dry.  I had no words to explain the situation to anyone- least of all myself.  They froze the moment I tried to speak, as if silence would save me from the truth I’d only just begun to suspect.  Liam stood and moved closer to the portal; I scrambled to my feet as well, stumbling backwards.  A sixth sense prickled along the back of my neck, warning me that if I took one more step, I’d collide with the newest arrival to our conversation.  In an effort to avoid that outcome, I nearly tripped over my own feet.  Sheer luck kept me upright.
    “[Y/n]?” That would be Loki’s voice behind me- just as close as I had feared.  “Are you okay”
    No.
    “Yes.  Fine.  Great.”
    Both [Y/n] and Liam gave me a dubious look.  I was damn sure Loki’s was downright skeptical.  Just like I was sure I didn’t want to turn around to see it for myself.
    “If you were hoping that I would be convinced by that, you were underestimating how quickly I’d see through it.”
    My shoulders slumped in defeat.
    “[Y/n]- you never answered the question,” Liam prodded none too gently.  “Who is that?  Is he related to Ilsa?”
    A somewhat hysterical laugh bubbled up from inside me, perversely amused by how I’d willfully ignored the obvious.  How could I not have realized sooner?  Very slowly and deliberately, I pivoted on the balls of my toes and faced the God of Mischief at last.  There he stood, looking back at me with about as much dread as I felt.  As well he should.
    “There never was an ‘Ilsa’, was there,” I whispered hoarsely.  “It was you all along, wasn’t it?”
    “[Y/n], I can explain…”
    Images of scenes flashed before my eyes.  All the moments ‘Ilsa’ had witnessed in Danethar’s home- the secrets she knew that no one else did.  The things I’d said to her and what she’d said back to me.  Oh gods, he’s seen me naked, I realized in horror, pressing trembling hands to my face to cover the crimson flush in my cheeks.  He’s seen too much.
    “I…” the words stuck and wouldn’t budge.  “Excuse me.  I have to go.”
    This time, I did run.  Ran as fast as I possibly could down the path and as far as I could get.  All the while, I burned with embarrassment.  Of course I’d always known that ‘Ilsa’ was a cover identity for someone else, but never had I suspected in my wildest thoughts that Ilsa hadn’t been a woman.  I should have seen the similarities right from the beginning, then maybe…it didn’t matter.  I hadn’t noticed.  How could I go back to the palace now with him there?  I had to escape- go someplace I wouldn’t have to face Loki again.

    Awkward silence blanketed the garden, weighing heavily on Loki in particular.  When he’d come down the pathway, he’d rounded the corner too late to realize that [Y/n] had been talking with her friends in Micharea and not some random visitor.  He never intended to show himself to them until after he’d explained to her about his relationship with ‘Ilsa’.  But once Liam had spotted him, that chance was gone.  Utterly gone.  He’d been right, too.  When [Y/n] turned around, he knew instantly that she’d pieced it together.  Loki had expected her to be angry; her true reaction had been far worse.
    “Is anyone going to explain what just happened?”
    His attention turned back to the portal to Micharea- which hadn’t closed when [Y/n] fled.  That left him to answer Liam’s question, he supposed.  Loki didn’t know where to start.
    “I’m not sure how,” he admitted.
    “Perhaps with a name,” [Y/n]’s double suggested.
    “Loki Laufeyson.  Prince of Asgard.”
    Raised eyebrows at the title ‘prince’, but the surprise didn’t last long.  The pirate woman was quick to forge ahead with her questions.
    “And was [Y/n] right?  About Ilsa?”
    “Obviously she was,” Liam retorted with a scowl.  “You saw just as well as I did the look on his face when she said it.”
    “I know, but I still wanted to ask…”
    “It’s true,” he interrupted the couple’s budding argument.  “I have a talent for shapeshifting.  Adopting the guise of ‘Ilsa’ was no more difficult than changing clothes.”
    “To [Y/n], she was a friend,” the pirate woman said accusingly.  Loki resisted the urge to cringe at the rebuke, as it might as well have come from [Y/n] herself.  “Was it a trick, then?”
    “It’s a long story,” he offered in a weary tone.
    “We’re here.  And you’re here.  I want to hear it.”
    Loki’s eyes darted down the path where [Y/n] had gone.  The longer he delayed here, the further ahead she would get, and he needed to fix this quickly.  They’d only just reconnected last night.  If she got the impression he’d done all this to make fun of her before he could explain, all hope of that bond lasting would be lost.
    “But she needs to hear it first,” he said, making a move to leave.  “I’d think you would agree.”
    “Prove that you don’t intend her any harm,” Liam demanded.  “Prove it or so help me we’ll send our whole crew into your realm.”
    He should have known the man would be so fiercely protective.  They were the same deep down, and Loki would have done the same in his place.  Which gave him an idea how to resolve their worries about his intentions.  He approached the gateway and held out his hand.
    “If we are who I think we are, one touch and you’ll know exactly what I intend.  Everything you want to know.  How badly do you want it?”
    Liam stared at the hand for several seconds before siding a look at his lady.
    “Do you regret having done this, my love?  If you could take back the decision to find out the life you lead in that world, would you?”
    “I would have chosen a time when I could have been more prepared, but no, I wouldn’t take it back.”
    Liam turned back to him, jaw set in a grimly determined line.  Unblinking, he lifted his own hand and thrust it through the gate.  Before either of them could change their minds, Loki clasped Liam’s wrist.  As [Y/n] had warned him so many weeks ago, the connection was as intense as it was instantaneous.  A lifetime flowed back and forth between them- two lifetimes, actually.  As his passed over to Liam, a whole new set of memories and experiences crashed into his mind.  Not all of them were as virtuous as he’d expected.  They truly were the same under the skin.  This pirate lord’s past held nearly as many secrets and dark days as Loki’s- most of which he kept from his Lady, and for much the same reasons.
    When it finished, they broke contact and measured each other warily for a minute or longer.  [Y/n] remained silent, letting them sort out their thoughts.  At last, Loki felt steady enough to speak.
    “Does that satisfy you?”
    “More than I expected,” Liam replied with a slight cough.  “Go on, then.  I wish you luck in untangling the knot you’ve tied yourself in with [Y/n].”
    Loki nodded, unable to reply.  He set himself on the path to leave when the pirate woman spoke up.
    “Um…what about the gate?”
    Damn…what about the gate?  I can’t just leave it here unguarded.
    “I honestly don’t know.”
    “All the more reason we should let him go find [Y/n], my love.  She’s the only one who can close it.”
    The woman’s expression turned thoughtful.
    “Maybe not.”
    “What?”
    “She’s me, right?  That means I’m her, too.  I could at least try.”
    He exchanged a glance with Liam, who had the same concern that Loki felt when hearing her theory.  Neither of them were sure whether it would be better if she couldn’t work the gates on her own- or that she could.  But neither of them dared say it, either.  Meanwhile, the woman stepped closer to the gate and closed her eyes.  Her eyebrows drew together in concentration.  Several minutes ticked by with no change.  Loki was about to sigh in relief when the shimmering wafer of that shared plane flickered and went out.
    Did she really do it, or was that my [Y/n], he asked absently.  Didn’t really matter.  The gate was closed and he had somewhere to be.  If only I had any idea where to start looking.